Fail

I failed everything today. I figure my time was due. Four days is a pretty big commitment.

So Kevs is for sure losing his job now and I once again feel completely incapable. No bass playing. I ate about 7 pounds of chips and cheese when I went for a drink with Ed, which was in fact 3 drinks followed by a cigarette. With the patch on. No cleaning. I actually simply forgot to check my bank account because I knew I had not done anything in it. No exercise.

Kevs is my man. He's a dear, sweet man. But to be completely honest, he has some issues. It takes him a long time to do everything. He doesn't have a malicious bone in his body. He has a massive work ethic and a very high ethical standard. There's just something very wrong, and sadly, I know it will take hima long time to get a steady job again. And it will take me a lot of work to help him. for which I will get no credit. I know, I should be primarily concerned for Kevs, and I'm trying. But when he's out of work it's me and the children who suffer. I'm irritated. No more drinking for me for a while. I can't stay off the cigs if I'm too tipsy.

Grrrrrr