She's so...

I watched the premiere of the new A&E show "Heavy" lastnight. What a downer. The chick kept crying during her workouts, and they made it look like that was just utterly insane behavior. I kept yelling things at the TV, particularly, "SHE'S CRYING BECAUSE SHE HATES EXERCISING! IF SHE LIKED IT SHE WOULDN'T BE IN THIS MESS!" Of course, I was mainly talking about myself. If you don't hate exercise, you can't know how awful it is. I guess what I learned from the show is that if you don't have someone there yelling at you, and all the time in the world, and the resources to have a personal trainer 6 days a week at the gym, and you hate exercising like me and Jodi, you're probably screwed. Watching her was pretty scary. We have a lot in common. Particularly the self-talk, I fear. And we both wear clogs. Here is the text exchange between me and my brother (who also has weight issues) during the show.

John: Turn on a and e now!
Me: Oh hell. Bridget is here and we're watching it. My phone went off and I said, "That's someone texting me to watch this show." (Bridget is falling over laughing at this point.)
John: Me and that guy pick the same things off the value menu.
Me: Um that chick just said my life story.
John: She's wearing clogs.
(30 minutes later)
Me: Sorry I haven't texted you back but I've had to do squat thrusts during the commercial breaks.
John: That's ok, I was riding the exercise bike and lifting dumbbells.
John: And purging.
Me: Oh good idea.
(end of the show)
John: God.
Me: I'm so glad they are still fatter than we are.
John: Really.

Anyway, I'm not the kind of person to learn something and then act upon it, but we'll see. I fully understand the risks of being a fatty. Just like I understand the risks of smoking. One day at a time, Sweet Jesus. I did decide, though, that eating raw fruits and vegetables between meals is not to be considered eating between meals. I have such a deficit of that food group that I think the benefits heavily outweigh the costs should such a thing ever occur. I had a mid-morning banana today. Why does that make me feel like such a tool?

I'm doing great with not smoking, cleaning, organizing, staying on top of my money (except I spent too much this weekend, but at least I know that), everything except, of course, this.

Step to it, bitch!