Saturday, May 31, 2008

Thor's Zinger of the Day

Current mood :  tired
Me: Hey Thor, wanna go to McDonald's?
Thor: Old McDonald's?

Saturday, April 12, 2008

Two Months Later...

Current mood:  okay
God, this is so overdue, but for anyone out there who doesn't know, baby Fiasco came into the world on February 8 at 3:08 pm. (I couldn't keep calling him Connie forever! Plus I like the Latin flair.) Just like Thor, he was 9 weeks early. Here he is!
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Once again Liza swooped in from Charleston to help a sista out. Thanks Liza! Here are some pictures from the hospital

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Here he is with Grandma in the hospital. It's about time I got on the bus and had at least one picture of Grandma on myspace. I think she is the most featured person in all of myspace photos.
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And here he is meeting big brother Thor for the first time. Margaret dressed him up like Justin Timberlake. Awesome.
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He weighed in at 3 pounds and 2.54 ounces. He spent 6 weeks in the hospital and came home finally on St. Patrick's Day. Which turns out to be an odd thing because every day he looks more like a leprechaun. I already have him enrolled in the Seminary as a matter of fact. How, how, how do I have a red headed baby? Can someone please tell me?
Anyway, here he is at home, in his Gentleman's Dressing Gown.
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And here he is after his first bath at home, several weeks later.
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He weighed in at 6 pounds 12 ounces today!
And just for kicks, here's Thor throwing back a bottle of Guinness.
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Special, Special, Special thanks to:
PATSY for so many things. Helping to bankroll this project while I was unemployed. Watching Thor all the time, at my house and hers. Bringing him up to see me. Helping clean my house. New furniture, jammies, and other things I needed. THANK YOU!!!
GRANDMA for putting up with me while I was recovering at Mom's house. I'm sorry I was such a miserable pain in the ass! And also for cooking for me and being so sweet to me while I was in the middle of the greatest meltdown known to mankind.
JOHN HILL for watching the animals, cleaning my house, trimming the hedges, watching Thor, digging out my patio, the other yard and gutter work, and driving me around all over the place.
MARGARET for keeping Thor and dressing him up like Justin Timberlake.
DAD for the flowers and for helping fix my house and yard.
LIZA again for not only being my birth partner but also for helping to keep me sane. It would be a bloodspew without you.
DAWG for helping me with Thor, doing dishes and laundry, and for encouraging my urge to kill. Thanks for letting me know there can always be a bloodspew if we just want it hard enough.
THOMAS for all the food and all the help around the house and car! And for keeping me company.
JONAH for helping me out with Thor and for the moral support.
CECILIA for the food and helping with Thor.
DANIELLE for the hospital visit, food, and listening to me bitch endlessly.
DONNA and MICKEY for helping with Thor and the house!
BLAYNE, CRISSY, PENELOPE, PATTY, and others for being my out-of-town support network.
EVERYONE ELSE for being so helpful with moral support!
You guys are all so great! Give yourselves a hand! We did it!

Friday, January 18, 2008

scorecard and the oh eight

Current mood:optimistic
Let's hearken back to a simpler time, shall we?
A time of innocence and freedom, in which I used to aspire to simple things. About a year ago I blogged some New Year's resolutions and I'm here to say that despite 2007 being the biggest clusterfuck of a year I could ever possibly hope for, I really did give it a half-assed try. Let's see how well she did, ok? In case there were one or two things that you haven't JUDGED ME on yet...
1. Combine my many, many IRA's. - Yes! I did this! And so much more! I got a financial panther, she set up a rollover account for me, and now I am just waiting to get the last 2 checks to put into it! Yes!
2. Fix the tax situation. - Holy shit! I did this one too! I'm even doing some tax planning for this year and the coming one!
3. Boost the boy out of the 25th% for motor skills. Hopefully upwards. - Score! Yes! He was at the 55th% when we last checked in the summer! He has another check-up the end of January, but I have no doubt he will rock it.
4. Get all of the animals to the vet at least once. - Oh, no, didn't do this one. Only got Astrid to the vet and she wiped me out. Everyone else is perfectly healthy. Need to get the Chi in there next, but I don't know how much final arrangements for Astrid will be (Oh but btw, fuck yes she is still kicking it for the moment!). So, I only got 25% of that one.
5. Eat more lasagne. - Check and double check.
6. Get a better job. - Oh my Sweet Jesus Yes! I am so good at this. Changed jobs in September. While gestating even.
7. Put vegetables in everything. - Mmmm, no. Didn't even make much of an effort at it. I have been a little better about it since growing a fetus, but I barely deserve any credit for that. Maybe another 25% here.
8. Get back on the rocks. - Not at all. Not even once.
9. Stay moist. - Yep, I am drowning in Geyser Springs over here.
10. No more IM. You don't have to know what it stands for. - Kept that resolution, completely. Never again.
So, all this adds up to a 75%. Not too shabby. A very half-assed accomplishment on my part if I do say so myself!
So what shall we aspire to in the '08?
There is one and only one thing, and it is this:
Stop swearing.
Oh fucking hell, I know, I know, I KNOW!!! But the other day I know Thor was trying to say the S word, and it is just so goddam trashy. I went to Harvard for fuck's sake and these are the best words I can come up with? And what if it's true that God gets pissed when you use the GD word, huh? That's the last kinda bullshit I need. Shit.
So, I have a year. I would love tips from anyone who has attempted this before. My first piece of strategery is to start using words that are hilarious substitutions much more often. Words like:
* bo-deggit
* TS, BS, and PO'd (but only with extreme anger)
* for cripe's sake
* shoot (with extreme southern accent)
* good gravy
* GAH!
And many others. You tell me. Which ones do you love most? Yeah, this will work.
(I am so. Fucking. Fucked.)