a fuckton of pictures

Current mood:irritated

I've been meaning to post all this for forever. Get ready to see the boy grow up before your eyes...
Summer
Baby's first skeeter bites. Knee and head.

I got him started on his manly hilarious t-shirt collection. I'm guessing now that he's gonna turn out straight because gay men tend to have ironic t-shirt collections more than funny.

(Yeah, that says got milk. They should make them for Hindu kids that say "goat milk". Now that's funny.)
I went out a couple of times. Here is me with my sister Liza, looking luscious. Actually we look like a Heart album cover. You know why.

I mentioned I bought a house. Here are the dogs looking nervous about the whole matter.

Bridget came over to check it out. Here she is with Thor.

I took Thor to the company picnic. Here he is with his face painted.

So, I'm gonna kind of skim over this part, but as he learned to hold his head up and sit up and those things, he became more interactive, and so I started buying him a bunch of amusing toys. First was this lie-on-your-back play gym thing, and as you can see it freaked him out a bit...

But he is still styling in his flutter-sleeve blouse.
Then came the johnny-jump-up...

... that he will actually jump in until he falls asleep!!!

God, what a cute baby.

And then came the exersaucer. Nice.

Autumn
But man, I love when the weather finally starts to cool off. I took a picture of this, and it doesn't even begin to capture how beautiful it was.

Know what it is? It's the chain-link fence where I park. Yep, that's right, future site of my head injury (email me for details).
Near the end of October, we took a trip to Liza's in North Carolina for a family weekend, and to meet Thor's great-grandmother. Here they are.

And here is Liza and Thor hiking.

The headgear came out for the season. Note the dumb adorable hat (with Danielle, who he adores).

At the beginning of November, I went to DC on business and took Thor with me. We went to Bethesda to have dinner with my old friend Anya and her beautiful family. Here's Anya and Thor.

Here is Thor, rolling around on the giant bed, peeing everywhere.

And here he is, proving we were in DC, since we didn't go to any tourist things.

Yes, he is on a luggage cart.

Then, in the airport, Thor sat in a high chair for the first time because Mommy needed a drink. Bad.

Later that month Dad had to have a procedure and Liza came down to visit. It was kind of unneccesary for her to come, so she took revenge by doing two things at once that annoy my dad tremendously (as pictured here)... wasting latex gloves and playing with his flashlight.

The next big event was Thor's other great-grandmother's birthday party at the beginning of December. Here's Grandma...

Here's us...

And here's Meat Chunk throwing down.

And finally, this past Saturday, we went with Dad to the Y to have breakfast with Santa. Here's thor with Grandpa.

And here's Thor with Santa. He fell asleep in line and there was no waking him. Really wish this picture turned out brighter.

And finally, let me leave you with the most depressing picture of the holiday season. The Christmas tree at the Atlanta City Detention Center. Just one more reason to keep your nose clean this December: a sub-par tree.

Love y'all!

Cute Halloween Pictures

Current mood:amused

An Open Letter From Thor to the Children of East Lake

Hey punks,
Yeah, my Mom dressed me as a chicken. WHAT. Least you can tell what I am. What the hell are you supposed to be? You got a black triangle painted on your head and a cape. What are you? Dracula? Batman? Shit.
And you, I think you're supposed to be Buzz Lightyear. Why do I think this? Because you have Buzz Lightyear on your shirt. But think about it, man. Does Buzz Lightyear wear a shirt with a picture of himself on it? Fuck no. Get off my lawn.
Hang on, here comes the cat.

And another thing... So what if my Mom picked out all the Special Darks? Today and every day, bitches!
Peace!
Thor
(Dictated personally but signed during naptime)

Thor's Zinger of the Day

Current mood:tired

Me: So, he has to go to this developmental progress clinic to make sure his motor skills are on track for a preemie.
Liza: No, the true test of his motor skills will be how well he does the champagne victory dance.

god i could really use a nutty buddy

hey kids! it's been a while, i know. i've been offline for forever because of stupid fucking comcast. yeah, they're now on my "fuck your uncle" list, too, along with the dish and the fucktard that wanted to put a big dish on a pole in the middle of my front yard. but, bitching about those guys is not why i'm here today... i just feel out-of-touch with my pals and need a minute to talk about random bullshit. that and i'm tryina get my mind off this little, uh, infection i got going...
here is one of my favorite moments from the past few weeks... i was sitting at home watching 'Intervention' with Dawg, you know, smoking and drinking, God, isn't it the best show ever? And during the commercial this happened:
Me: I don't know, I'm just not very good at that whole... uh... what's the opposite of self-indulgence?
Dawg: Self-restraint? Control?
Me: yeah, that's it.
Dawg: Yeah, me neither.
Nice.
Thir is getting big, he's a whopping 14# 12 oz. as of Wednesday, when I took him in to see the doctor for a little cold. Here's some pics... First is him trying to look aloof and cool...

And here's one where he looks like Marcia Cross... Be proud of your forehead, boy!

xoxoxoxoxo

i got kicked out of ikea for swearing

Current mood:giggly

yeah.
wow.
ok, here's what had happened...
i spent like 4 hours ordering and waiting on components of a wardrobe that i had already picked out online. the main reason i wanted it was bc of the shoe racks. then they finally get it out to me and they tell me the shoe racks are not in so i will have to either get a refund or come back for the shoe racks later.
so, it's not at all like i even got angry. i wasn't like, 'you fucking fuckers! eat my shit you juice-sucking bitch whores!' at all. i was really calm, actually, but swearing is such a part of my everyday lingo. i was just like, 'oh no, this sucks. i really wanted the shoe racks and now it's just a shitty mess. and i've been here all damn day.'
then i got kicked out by security for 'taking it to the next level'. i even laughed when i said, 'oh my god, are you kicking me out?'
i just took my refund and left. in hindsight, i wish i had then gotten my money's worth and then said, 'ok, you're kicking me out? then fuck you, fuck you, yeah, fuck you too fat whore, fuck your uncle, uncle fucker, you're a bitch troll, and oh yeah, you in the back, suck my ass you chicken-fried sack licker.'
but no, that was for me to think up and crack up about later. man, it's more recent than i would like to admit, but it's been a while since i got kicked out of anywhere. fucking swedes. oh yeah, you vikings have never offended anyone. just stay out of my way and out of the sunlight, fucking pale-ass motherfuckers.
in other news, i am thinking of starting a swear jar for thor's college fund. i gotta cut this shit out. hell.

on the road again

La la la, back to work this week...
Hey fuckers, are you ready for this shit?
If you are at a one-way stop and are about to pull out onto a main road, DON'T FUCKING PULL OUT IN FRONT OF ME AND MAKE ME SLOW DOWN AND THEN STOP BECAUSE YOU HAVE TO TURN LEFT. Did you know it's actually illegal to pull out in front of someone and make them have to slow down? You stupid fucking asshole.
Also, YOU DON'T HAVE TO COME TO A FULL STOP TO TURN RIGHT INTO A DRIVEWAY OR ON A YIELD you goddam ass knight. So fuck your uncle, uncle fucker.
Oh and hey, FIGURE OUT WHERE THE FUCK YOUR STUPID BITCH ASS IS GOING BEFORE YOU LEAVE, NOT WHILE YOU'RE DRIVING AROUND IN FRONT OF ME WITH YOUR THUMBS UP YOUR FAT STUPID ASSHOLE. Shit breath.
One more helpful hint... IF YOU'RE TOO FUCKING CHEAP TO RUN THE A/C IN YOUR CAR, FIGURE OUT HOW DAMN BIG YOUR DOG IS BEFORE ROLLING YOUR WINDOW ALL THE WAY DOWN THINKING HE IS TOO SMART TO JUMP OUT ONTO 285. HE WILL JUMP OUT AND I WILL CRY. Then go to hell you shitty motherfucking bitch whore.
OK, time to feed the little one! Smooches!

where the crips eat

I've long known I have difficulties getting outside my own head. So, I made the decision to make a conscious effort to try and observe things in my surroundings. You would be surprised how many not-so-subtle signs there are everywhere. For example, did you know that Wendy's supports certain gang activities?


OK, so I really really needed a night out. Buzzy came over to help me get ready.

Plus I had to find a babysitter. Did I mention how mighty Thor has become?

And off I went to the Flaming Lips concert. Soooooo gooood!



So Patsy watched Thor while I was out. Thanks Pats!

But after Pats fell asleep Thor went out krumpin'.


Actually, Pats just slapped makeup on him. She has a real problem with that. Give that woman 20 minutes alone with a baby and you'll be sure to find him with makeup and a wig on when you return. Disturbing...

once again, thanks

Current mood:cranky

So my Dad informed me yesterday that oh yes, he's seen recent pictures of my boy. Where? Right here, folks. Yeah. My brother directed my Dad to my space. Awesome.
Once upon a time this was a place where I could scope hotties. Now it is a place where my family can read my blog.
So here you go, fam. Give the people what they want.
First, here is a picture that shows conclusively why men should never ever wear shorts. Guys, this is the cutest you will ever look in shorts. Seriously. Stop it. I know it's hot out there but come on. No more shorts. Please. Stop. For real.

Next up, here is a really recent picture that I took on a spree when he was looking super cute. Then I realized that there was spit-up stains everywhere as he had been spitting up all night. Awwww. Today was one of our grossest days together. I won't go into why. Let's just say if the lightning from tonight's massive thunderstorm had hit my shirt we might have created new life of some sort.

So we took a bath. Here he is nice and clean.

Oh yeah and I bought a house. And an ipod.