Tuesday, October 16, 2012

You're one workout away from something

Actually, I need to be fair and stop being so Gen-Xy about this.  It's a lovely quote that seems to have lost its creator across the interwebs:  You're one workout away from a good mood.

Hey, it's Tuesday!  Still no idea why I only ever seem to want to post on Tuesdays.  I get introspective on Tuesdays.  How weird.

So two and a half months ago I embarked on a new Whole 30, and I did NOT do it perfectly, I did cheat, and I did NOT keep starting over because, as I've stated, it screws me up psychologically.  BUT, I did finish, and I lost about ten pounds.  That was awesome.


I had the food fiesta that is traditional after finishing one of these challenges.  However, instead of it lasting a day or a weekend or a week as is my usual habit, this food fiesta has lasted a month and a half.


I had to quit fitwit.  The schedule with Kevs' job and the kids going to two different schools across town from each other (with me doing all the driving, plus working my full time job, plus being in the band, taking care of the house / garden etc.) was just too much for me.  For a little while I was bringing them with me and then Kevs would show up ten minutes later and grab them, but we didn't always meet at the same place and it just turned into a big huge stress ball.  So I quit.


I joined the gym at work and worked out there exactly three times.


On the third workout, I seriously aggravated my very injured back.  I had just started getting treatment from a chiropractor, because I am afraid of traditional medicine's approach to curing back pain.  When I went to see him the next day, he told me to lay off exercising for a couple of weeks.


At the next treatment he gave me some exercises to do every day to strengthen my back and not feel like a lump.


I did them exactly once.


I joined the Y with the family, mainly because the kids want to swim in the winter, but they also have a kick-ass gym and the kids like going to the child care area while I work out.  I figured I could go swimming there without hurting my back, and after the two weeks were pretty much over, I tried the elliptical trainer and found that it did not hurt my back.


I never went back.


Somewhere in the midst of all this (September 11), I quit smoking.  Which means instant weight gain, and yeah, good for me, etc., but it still sucks.  It also means pain hurts more and everyone irritates the hell out of me and I sleep all the time and I smell everything and almost everything smells gross.


I have gained back all but 30 pounds of what I've lost since 02/11 (when I finally got serious).  At one point, I was down to almost twice that amount lost.  I didn't gain it all back in the past six weeks, but this is just depressing.  I feel horrible, my clothes don't fit right any more, I'm in a shitty mood (which I'm told one workout will fix), and on and on and on.  My band has a gig coming up on Halloween and I'm going to look like just as much of a big fat whale as the last time we performed, which was in May of 2011.  This is so, so depressing.

So, diet is like 90% of it, I know.  But exercise is still essential, even if it only accounts for a small number of calories being burned per session.  Exercise is critical for health / mood / keeping weight off / metabolism and all that good stuff.  I don't think it has to be as critical as fitwit, but I like fitwit's style and I do think it's the biggest bang for your buck in terms of time spent.  The diet part is the part that always kills me. 

This recent Whole 30 was extremely successful, not just because I lost weight, but because for the first time ever I lost fat and gained muscle.  This happened because I think for the first time I was eating fairly strict paleo but still making the effort to eat enough calories.  I discovered coconut butter, which was a big help.  So now, out here on my own, no challenges or constraints, I need to find some way to do paleo most of the time, restrict treats to appropriate times, and eat enough to sustain muscle while losing fat.

This is the problem.  I've never been able to find a balance.  I've never been able to keep it off.


Day 15 - A Song That Describes You
OK, except for the fact that I have brown eyes and I'm a chick, this song describes me exactly.  The inner me.  Some of the time.  Special relevant lyric:  "And if I swallow anything evil, put your finger down my throat..."

Behind Blue Eyes, by The Who