Tuesday, December 27, 2005


Current mood:mischievous
Here he is. You didn't know? Now you know. He'll be here on or about May 6. (He's one of those not-totally-predictable types.)
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Yeah, he looks just like me. For various reasons, I had to keep this whole thing kind of under my cap for a while, and now it feels like so much time has passed that I can't even remember all of the things that have happened surrounding this little guy. So, I'm not going to go into how it all happened, or what everyone had to say about it, or all the crazy shit that has happened in the interim. I have kept a private journal for those kinds of things. It's personal, ok? Thank you.
But starting now, y'all can stay in the loop. After nearly five months I finally bought some maternity clothes, and I mostly feel like an impostor. I mean, who knew? I never thought this would be me, but here we are. Showing, even. My Dad got me a baby heart listening device for Christmas. I kind of wanted DDR Ultramix 3 for Xbox, but I guess that will have to wait for another day. I have a crib, a bag of clothes, and the comfort of knowing that pretty much every idiot on the planet has done this and made it through okay. I quit smoking and drinking and rock climbing. While I feel this should automatically qualify me for some kind of parenting award, I am told that this is pretty much the least I could do. Every day there is some new bizarre symptom that makes me want to contact the Discovery Channel because I just can't believe that this completely natural phenomenon is happening to me. In me.
I can't believe how much I love him already.

Saturday, December 17, 2005


Current mood:accomplished
Next topic: rock climbing
Many of you may know of my love of rock climbing, but not many of you probably know that I completely suck at it. To mitigate that fact, I am including some pictures that make me look as if I know what I'm doing.
Here is a picture of me chalking up. Notice the darting eyes.

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If you're gonna step on a bird, step on an eagle.
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Here I am, actually making it to the top. I cannot think of a worse camera angle, and in fact, I do not believe such an unflattering picture of my ass has ever been made available to the public. Fortunately, the picture is of poor quality. Enjoy.
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At the end of October, I went camping with my buddy Bridget. We had a great time. We slept in a log. We killed a bear with a bow and arrow we made out of things we found in the woods. We drank filthy water.
Actually, we had a comfortable tent that Bridget rented from GSU, and we slept with a bunch of other camping parties in a pretty nice facility near Ellijay. The facility was called Bear Creek, so needless to say we drank bottled water.
Here is a picture of us getting on the road.
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We took my three dogs and they absolutely loved it. They got to run free and scare the living fuck out of other campers. The first picture is of my beautiful Chibi Chee, affectionately referred to as the killing machine.
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Here is a picture of Chibi and Astrid, the Doberman.
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Here is stupid little LoJack, who I had to keep on a tie-out much of the time because he tried to start shit with a neighboring Boxer.
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These are three rough looking bitches.

The next day we went hiking and saw this big-ass tree. It is the second largest tree in Georgia, I think. It is called the Gannett Poplar. Here is a picture of Bridget having a hippie moment.
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unborn conjoined myslexic fetal squirrel, baby

Current mood:  scared
OK, haven't blogged for quite a while, sorry. The reason is that I have so many great pictures of everything I want to blog about, but I just now got my technology straight. So, here we go...
First topic of interest: the squirrel. This fall, a squirrel with an unborn conjoined myslexic fetal twin hanging off its shoulder came to live on my deck. It freaked the living fuck out of all of us. God, it was fucking horrible. There were like two little segments to it - a head nub and a little body with appendages that wiggled when it moved. It was like a horrible omen of things to come that never wound up coming but still scared us shitless.
So, for many days I stalked it, trying to get a picture of it, and then one day it just disappeared. Maybe it got done eating my herbs and just took off; maybe it got run over. Who can say? It just vanished.
The good news is that my brother made a visual representation of it out of this little delftware hedgehog that we had lying around the kitchen. This will give you some idea of the horror.

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