Thor's Zinger of the Day

Current mood :  tired

 

Me: Hey Thor, wanna go to McDonald's?
Thor: Old McDonald's?

Two Months Later...

Current mood:  okay

 

God, this is so overdue, but for anyone out there who doesn't know, baby Fiasco came into the world on February 8 at 3:08 pm. (I couldn't keep calling him Connie forever! Plus I like the Latin flair.) Just like Thor, he was 9 weeks early. Here he is!

Once again Liza swooped in from Charleston to help a sista out. Thanks Liza! Here are some pictures from the hospital


Here he is with Grandma in the hospital. It's about time I got on the bus and had at least one picture of Grandma on myspace. I think she is the most featured person in all of myspace photos.


And here he is meeting big brother Thor for the first time. Margaret dressed him up like Justin Timberlake. Awesome.

He weighed in at 3 pounds and 2.54 ounces. He spent 6 weeks in the hospital and came home finally on St. Patrick's Day. Which turns out to be an odd thing because every day he looks more like a leprechaun. I already have him enrolled in the Seminary as a matter of fact. How, how, how do I have a red headed baby? Can someone please tell me?
Anyway, here he is at home, in his Gentleman's Dressing Gown.

And here he is after his first bath at home, several weeks later.

He weighed in at 6 pounds 12 ounces today!
And just for kicks, here's Thor throwing back a bottle of Guinness.

Special, Special, Special thanks to:
PATSY for so many things. Helping to bankroll this project while I was unemployed. Watching Thor all the time, at my house and hers. Bringing him up to see me. Helping clean my house. New furniture, jammies, and other things I needed. THANK YOU!!!
GRANDMA for putting up with me while I was recovering at Mom's house. I'm sorry I was such a miserable pain in the ass! And also for cooking for me and being so sweet to me while I was in the middle of the greatest meltdown known to mankind.
JOHN HILL for watching the animals, cleaning my house, trimming the hedges, watching Thor, digging out my patio, the other yard and gutter work, and driving me around all over the place.
MARGARET for keeping Thor and dressing him up like Justin Timberlake.
DAD for the flowers and for helping fix my house and yard.
LIZA again for not only being my birth partner but also for helping to keep me sane. It would be a bloodspew without you.
DAWG for helping me with Thor, doing dishes and laundry, and for encouraging my urge to kill. Thanks for letting me know there can always be a bloodspew if we just want it hard enough.
THOMAS for all the food and all the help around the house and car! And for keeping me company.
JONAH for helping me out with Thor and for the moral support.
CECILIA for the food and helping with Thor.
DANIELLE for the hospital visit, food, and listening to me bitch endlessly.
DONNA and MICKEY for helping with Thor and the house!
BLAYNE, CRISSY, PENELOPE, PATTY, and others for being my out-of-town support network.
EVERYONE ELSE for being so helpful with moral support!
You guys are all so great! Give yourselves a hand! We did it!

scorecard and the oh eight

Current mood:optimistic

Let's hearken back to a simpler time, shall we?
A time of innocence and freedom, in which I used to aspire to simple things. About a year ago I blogged some New Year's resolutions and I'm here to say that despite 2007 being the biggest clusterfuck of a year I could ever possibly hope for, I really did give it a half-assed try. Let's see how well she did, ok? In case there were one or two things that you haven't JUDGED ME on yet...
1. Combine my many, many IRA's. - Yes! I did this! And so much more! I got a financial panther, she set up a rollover account for me, and now I am just waiting to get the last 2 checks to put into it! Yes!
2. Fix the tax situation. - Holy shit! I did this one too! I'm even doing some tax planning for this year and the coming one!
3. Boost the boy out of the 25th% for motor skills. Hopefully upwards. - Score! Yes! He was at the 55th% when we last checked in the summer! He has another check-up the end of January, but I have no doubt he will rock it.
4. Get all of the animals to the vet at least once. - Oh, no, didn't do this one. Only got Astrid to the vet and she wiped me out. Everyone else is perfectly healthy. Need to get the Chi in there next, but I don't know how much final arrangements for Astrid will be (Oh but btw, fuck yes she is still kicking it for the moment!). So, I only got 25% of that one.
5. Eat more lasagne. - Check and double check.
6. Get a better job. - Oh my Sweet Jesus Yes! I am so good at this. Changed jobs in September. While gestating even.
7. Put vegetables in everything. - Mmmm, no. Didn't even make much of an effort at it. I have been a little better about it since growing a fetus, but I barely deserve any credit for that. Maybe another 25% here.
8. Get back on the rocks. - Not at all. Not even once.
9. Stay moist. - Yep, I am drowning in Geyser Springs over here.
10. No more IM. You don't have to know what it stands for. - Kept that resolution, completely. Never again.
So, all this adds up to a 75%. Not too shabby. A very half-assed accomplishment on my part if I do say so myself!
So what shall we aspire to in the '08?
There is one and only one thing, and it is this:
Stop swearing.
Oh fucking hell, I know, I know, I KNOW!!! But the other day I know Thor was trying to say the S word, and it is just so goddam trashy. I went to Harvard for fuck's sake and these are the best words I can come up with? And what if it's true that God gets pissed when you use the GD word, huh? That's the last kinda bullshit I need. Shit.
So, I have a year. I would love tips from anyone who has attempted this before. My first piece of strategery is to start using words that are hilarious substitutions much more often. Words like:
* bo-deggit
* TS, BS, and PO'd (but only with extreme anger)
* for cripe's sake
* shoot (with extreme southern accent)
* good gravy
* GAH!
And many others. You tell me. Which ones do you love most? Yeah, this will work.
(I am so. Fucking. Fucked.)

Happy 2008 Liner Notes

Printing and cutting liner notes and cramming them into CD cases is a bitch. This year they are available electronically only. If this upsets you, you can either buy me a cutcraft from that neverending as seen on tv commercial, or you can print and cut this blog out yourself.
Ready?
1. "Straight Heat" by EdIT, from Certified Air Raid Material.
2. "Casting Agents and Cowgirls" by Busdriver, from Roadkill Overcoat. In case you never visited my myspace page in the 8 months I had it posted as my song. Sorry, busy.
3. "You Are a Runner and I am My Father's Son" by Wolf Parade, from Apologies to the Queen Mary.
4. "Imitosis" by Andrew Bird, from Armchair Apocrypha. When I heard the chick on Album 88 pronounce it "appo-grippa" I realized how little my accomplishments at Georgia State mean.
5. "Party Fears Two" by Divine Comedy, from Victory for the Comic Muse. This is the gayest song I have ever heard. It is so gay I can't even imagine gay people listening to it unless they were perhaps in a circus being exploited somehow. So I really didn't have a choice but to share it.
6. "Silently" by Blonde Readhead, from 23. This song makes me think of the new baby. "Quietly... I drop my weight int your sea, I drop my anchor. I sway in your waves. I sing in your sleep. I stay til I'm in your life."
7. "Common People" by Pulp, from Different Class. An oldie, but it re-caught my attention earlier this year and I thought it was worth sharing.
8. "Caroline Visar Vagen" by Dungen, from Tio Bitar. YAY! New Dungen!
9. "The Funeral" by Band of Horses, from Everything all the Time. It was hard for me to put this song on the CD because it feels like someone is punching me in the heart when I hear it, but it's just too good for me to leave off.
10. "She Do" by Pimps of Joytime, from High Steppin'. This sounds like it could have been the authentic predecessor of G Love and Special Sauce if it had not come like 15 years later. I enjoy the lo-fi sound anyway.
11. "Spring Hall Convert" by Deerhunter, from Cryptograms. Good for you, local band.
12. "Restorative Beer" by the Fiery Furnaces, from Widow City. I hated this band in concert, but this is a concept that hit home with me. Plus I hear that they are very up and coming. They're all over the media for some reason. Perhaps the hipsters could verify for me.
13. "Ruby" by Kaiser Chiefs, from Yours Truly, Angry Mob. I heard this song for the first time this morning. Bam. I enjoyed that the hook is almost a direct rip-off of "All That She Wants is Another Baby" by Ace of Bass.
14. "Brown Skin" by India Arie, from Acoustic Soul. This song cracks me up to no end. I know it is supposed to be this super sultry thing, but I sing it to Thor all the time. Come on.
15. "Anasthesia - Pulling Teeth" by Metallica, from Kill 'Em All. I HATE Metallica, but this is only their dead bassist, so it's ok. This is one bass. Take one. I have loved this forever, finally decided to share.
Hope you enjoy, Happy New Year y'all!

sunshine and lollipops

Current mood:sick

I have pneumonia.
I have to put my dog down in the next week or so.
When will this stupid fucking year be over? SHIT.
Anyway, I need all the world to know this: If you are ever really, really sick and you feel like dying, you can't breathe, you can't sleep, your head is pounding, your eyes are burning and popping out of your head... when you have reached the point of utter desperation... just before you roll over and give up...
Eat a whole clove of garlic, raw. No salt, no oil, no cooking it, no bread. Don't make a shooter out of it, even with just water, it won't work. You have to peel it, and then bite off chunks at a time, chew them up, suck the juice out, and swallow it. All of it.
It will put hair on your chest and it will make you stink like all hell for a day or so, it even made me throw up, but it will relieve your symptoms. Believe me. I HAVE PNEUMONIA and it worked when Robitussin with codeine could not. Plus it's safe for preggo's, kids, the elderly, etc.
Trust.

Why I am changing my name to Anna Hausenpfeffer

Current mood:pugnacious

Hell yes. Hell yes.
http://www.cnn.com/2007/WORLD/europe/12/07/germany.scientology.ap/index.html
Yeah it's probably a bad sign when Germany starts restricting religious freedom, but in this case, they are dead on when they say
SCIENTOLOGY IS NOT A RELIGION. IT IS A COMMERCIAL ENTERPRISE.
Check out my favorite bash-those-stupid-fuckers web site:
http://www.xenu.net
Now, I'm off to Fargo to see which of my idealistic leftist principles will be destroyed next. Back in a week, be good!

As if things weren't scary enough...

Current mood:calm

Time for the fall picture flood.
Here's Thor rocking out to Spoon at the Echo Music Project. I really don't know how he was born knowing the exact appropriate way to act in every live music situation, it's a little creepy...

This is where I was pretending to be one of those awesome Moms who takes her toddler up into the mountains to a pumpkin patch. Any guesses on where it was really taken?

Yeah, he only has the one shirt.
Then we carved pumpkins and he whined the whole time so I made his a whiny face.
So the big day came and I dressed Thor up like a burglar.

But the stocking was too tight, so I took it off and he was a beat poet the rest of the night.

Also Suzie was staying with us that night and her Mom put her in costume as well.

Suzie's costume is far superior to Thor's and is a direct reflection of quality of parenting.
In other news, Connie is coming along nicely, but as it turns out CONNIE IS A BOY! But I have yet to come up with a new fetal nickname for him that has really stuck. Suggestions? The nicks I have used so far are Genghis, Hercules, Conrad, and Fiasco, but none of them have stuck.
I love that image bc it's all shady and of poor quality, like it was taken in some scene out of The Deer Hunter or something. Anyway, love y'all, keep in touch...